The Still
by JR-Monday
Summary: AU Post-series. Utena struggles with who she is and why she feels the way she feels after waking up with no memory and vivid dreams.
1. Still Chapter 1

By: JR Monday  
  
Lights flickered on and off every few minutes in the nearly empty subway car. All was quiet save for the snoring homeless man and businesswoman reading a newspaper. The observer laid back comfortably spread over a few empty seats, her black felt fedora rested on her stomach instead of her head which was adorned by pink hair; cut short to chin level. Her blue eye's shifted from the ground of the subway to her scuffed black boots and she sighed deeply.  
  
You were discovered in an alleyway.you lost a lot of blood from what seemed to be a blade wound to your back.  
  
Her mind shifted back to reality and she clutched the camera tightly in her hand. It was a need to capture everything on film that drove her to pull the lens cap off, focus, adjust for the light and snap a quick shot of the subway car. She knew why she did it, it was because her mind had already given up valuable information to her and she could afford to lose anymore.  
  
We're doing all we can to locate your assailant, could you please give us your name?  
  
.Ma'am?  
  
A small girl pulled at the sleeve of the young photographer's black sweater. She smiled at the child and than continued to study her surroundings with a preoccupied gaze.  
  
"Could you take a picture of me?" Asked the little girl.  
  
She slowly snapped out of her reverie and smirked, she pointed for the little girl to take a seat and readied her camera. The process was the same.the right light, the right focus, and the right photo. Click. And it was done. The little girl giggled and hopped off the seat.  
  
"My names Amanda? What's your name?" Her blonde curly hair bobbed as she spoke.  
  
"My name." She looked down at the floor.  
  
Deeper. You have to go Deeper.  
  
UTENA-SAMA!!  
  
She had stalled for a moment. "My name is Utena, it's a pleasure to meet you." They shook hands.  
  
The subway decelerated to a stop and Utena stood. "This is my stop." She told Amanda. "Maybe I'll see you around sometime."  
  
"Bye, Utena!" Waved Amanda as her new friend left the subway car.  
  
*****  
  
It had been a long day for Utena, the last day of classes always ended with a bang that she decided to avoid like the plague. She instead decides to stand in the back of her classes and shoot pictures of joy and sadness. Teachers were the only ones who show many mixed emotions on those last few days. Relief, exhaustion, joy, and other emotions that said for some classes, "I'm glad to be rid of your." And for others the expressions meant, "this was the best class I've had all year."  
  
It didn't really matter after all of it was over though, Utena would just take her pictures. Sigh. Make it through another day--the last day--and go home with her new set of 8 credits. Home was a small house, which was crowded by city-planted trees and the neighboring houses.  
  
The house itself was not hers, it belonged to a man that saved her life a long time ago. Mike was his name; he came from America when he was 18. He married but his wife died during childbirth. Mike's son, Daniel, and himself had never gotten along so they never talked and one day Daniel was killed in America. He was a innocent victim of a gang shoot out. Mike was a photographer and like a father to Utena. She tried her best to live up to the kind of person he was. Charming, respectful, fun and considerate. Ever since her waking in that hospital bed she had been making an incredibly slow recovery mentally. She didn't connect with people on the same level anymore.well she never really knew if she ever did but she did know that something inside her was missing. He just helped her move along quicker and she was very grateful towards him.  
  
She placed her camera and keys down on the small kitchen table and checked through the small stack of mail.  
  
Hands covered her eyes from behind and she grinned as someone whispered into her ear,  
  
"Guess who?" The voice was female and smooth like a baby's skin.  
  
Utena chuckled quietly and put her own hands over her invaders. ".Maybe.. Queen Elizabeth?" She pulled the hands off and turned around in another girls embrace.  
  
"Oh look at that, its Wakaba." Utena smirked with her reply and wrapped her own arms around the girl idly.  
  
Wakaba was only a few months younger than Utena. She was shorter than the pink-haired girl and her auburn hair was tied back into a simple ponytail. She had a smile that could light up the night's sky and add cheer to anyone's daily agenda.  
  
"You're sad again, aren't you?" Wakaba asked and hugged Utena close.  
  
"Not as much anymore. I made a new friend today."  
  
Wakaba giggled and looked her lover in the eye. "What was it this time, a can?"  
  
"Her name's Amanda." Utena smirked.  
  
Wakaba was surprised.a new friend? A new friend that was a girl? No. This wouldn't do.  
  
Utena easily picked up on Wakaba's jealousy and added, "She was a little girl I met on the subway."  
  
"Well.I suppose that's better than, a house plant and a black cat." The smaller girl winked. "Which reminds me, that plant needs a trim."  
  
Utena shook her head. "I don't want to screw it up. Its fine the way it is."  
  
Utena looked down at the ground with a blank expression on her face.  
  
I'm losing her again.. Wakaba thought and brushed pink bangs from her lovers face; she placed her hand on Utena's cheek and pressed her lips softly against the pink-haired girls.  
  
"Take it outside, you two." A low male voice killed the silence in the room and the two girls broke apart.  
  
The man who entered the room was unbelievably tall; he sported a thick graying beard. Wakaba always thought of him as a type of large bear that literally just woke up out of a very, very long nap. He made his way over to the coffee machine in the corning of the kitchen.  
  
The two girls had broken apart a bit. Wakaba looked up at Utena admiringly.  
  
"Are you coming with me to the gardens this evening? I want to introduce you to a new friend of mine."  
  
Utena thought about it for a moment. She didn't want to go see flowers, she never really remembered liking them that much. Except for her plant-which was cleverly named "Henry the first". Something jogged her memory at that particular moment.  
  
"I promised to go with Tsuwabuki to a fencing seminar of some sort. Some big fencer is supposed to be there."  
  
Wakaba forked an eyebrow and skeptically remarked, "I honestly don't understand why you hang around that little boy."  
  
Utena shrugged and added, "He's just a good kid."  
  
"So you're going out tonight?" Mike asked than took a sip of his coffee.  
  
"Yeah, in about an hour actually. Can I-"  
  
"No." Mike interrupted. "No report card, no borrowing the car. And don't give me that look, it was your decision."  
  
Wakaba laughed softly. "I've got to go, I've got a friend waiting for me. I'll see you two later."  
  
With that, Wakaba kissed Utena and left the house.  
  
"Ah, young love." Mike sighed sarcastically and left Utena leaning against the counter with her arms folded across her chest. 


	2. Around the truth

Chapter 2: Dancing Around The Truth  
  
The house smelt of cinnamon rolls baking in an oven, a stove creaked open and she swore to herself again that she would fix that soon. Himemiya Anthy checked her baking treats carefully. Over the years her cooking skills had only increased slightly, she cursed the people who easily created dishes for friends, family and guests. However, she learned to bake quite well. She was proud of that skill at least. From across the kitchen, the little rodent, chu-chu, scurried to her side to sneak a peak at the dishes.  
  
"Chu?" He squeaked, which made Anthy grin delightfully.  
  
"They're not done yet, because they have to cool. Soon, just try to be patient. Wakaba will be here soon."  
  
Anthy smiled to herself. She was on the proper trail. Wakaba would remember her long lost Prince. She hoped to have a conversation about Utena while walking through a parks flower garden--Anthy had taken a part-time job more for pleasure than for money. The chime of the doorbell interrupted her thoughts. She set the tray down to cool, gave Chu-chu a look and left the kitchen. She smoothed her long purple tresses, opened the door and greeted Wakaba with a smile.  
  
"Konnichiwa, Himemiya-san!" Wakaba greeted with a huge smile.  
  
"Good day! Please! Call me Anthy!" She returned the greeting whole- heartedly. "Please come in."  
  
Wakaba pranced into the home and looked around with stars in her eyes. She sniffed the scent of the baked goods on the air and almost melted.  
  
"Oh, Anthy-chan! Your house is so wonderful! I keep trying to talk my girlfriend into moving into a place with me but she insists that we're too young. Dull." Wakaba sighed and shook her head. Her smile returned to her and she took a seat on Anthy's living room couch.  
  
"Would you like some tea? I just baked some cinnamon rolls as well. If you'd-"  
  
"Please and thank you, they smell so good." Wakaba blushed and waited for Anthy to return with the treats. Chu-chu jumped onto a table and sat munching a cinnamon roll that Anthy had given him. She followed behind him a moment later and smiled with a tray in her hands. After pouring tea and sharing the food, they began to catch up on details between the two.  
  
Wakaba laughed. "My girlfriend would never talk like this.she's so quiet. I hang around her so much I think I've begun to forget what its like to talk to people."  
  
"You must really love her." Anthy grinned sadly and felt loneliness fill her heart.  
  
"I do.Hey.Y'know, she's got a tattoo like that one there. Actually, she has a lot of tattoo's."  
  
Anthy had decided to wear a spaghetti strapped tank top that day as it was hot outside and the heat of the oven only caused it to heat up more inside the small house. Wakaba had pointed to a single tattoo that rested itself by her left shoulder. Just over her breast.  
  
"Ah.. Well.Rose tattoo's are popular these days." Anthy felt her insides smolder with pain. The tattoo was not a choice of hers, it had appeared there when she left her brother's fake world. She looked at it as a reminder that she had not found her Prince yet. It was a single white rose that had a kind of tribal design in its background.  
  
"I've always wanted a tattoo. Scared of the pain though." Wakaba changed the subject and Anthy gladly accepted the change. She plastered on a practiced fake smile on her face as the subject of her tattoo continued to plague her at that moment. She enjoyed Wakaba's company; don't get her wrong because she really did. Even in Ohtori she did enjoy the company of this girl. She really understood how Utena felt around her. But she craved her Prince. She was so close and this girl might have a way of drawing them together.  
  
"Shall we go to the gardens than?" Anthy rose from her seat and began clearing the living room and Wakaba offered her help. "We shall!" Wakaba shouted happily. 


	3. The Orange Rose

Chapter 3 -- The Orange Rose  
  
The gym was extremely crowded; it was filled with people from wall to wall. Observers on the left and right sides filled with other fencers in the middle. If it were anymore crowded it would have been a fire hazard. Utena entered her high school's physical education building and grinned. Unlike most of the people there, she knew exactly the perfect spot to take a seat. She knew Mitsuru would appreciate it as he seemed to love fencing. He had asked her to come with him to watch this world famous fencer whose name eluded Utena at the moment.  
  
"Hurry, Utena they're going to start soon!" The blonde boy had already started ahead of her excitedly.  
  
"Yeah, I'm coming." Utena sighed looking at the large score board and the amazing art that had been painted on the walls. Hands in her pockets she walked across the wood floors over to a pop machine.  
  
"Well? Where's this great spot?" Tsuwabuki scratched his head and gave Utena a funny look.  
  
She frowned. "Taken." She stared at the top of the pop machine. "Look, you can sit on my shoulders or something." Utena started turning from the machine.  
  
"Its huge though, Utena.She could share. Come on it's a great spot! All you gotta do is ask."  
  
She didn't want to do that. Not only did she usually avoid contact with most people, this person in particular stirred a particular feeling inside of her. Inexplicable. She shook her head and looked at the girl who seemed focused on the center mat where a fencer more than likely stood ready for a challenger. Her focus was never shifting; her eyes were a blue that matched her short stylish hair.  
  
Utena looked at Mitsuru give her a kicked puppy dogface and groaned. "Don't do that. Fine, fine, just stop already."  
  
"Miss?" Utena tried to get her attention. She cleared her throat. "Excuse me, miss?" Her technique seemed to work.  
  
"What?" Came a quick reply. It wasn't spat back or angry.but usually it was rude to answer to someone like that when they were trying to be polite. Not to mention that this woman made Utena want to hide under a rock. However the other girl's expression became one of slight confusion.  
  
"You're." She didn't finish which gave Utena a chance to speak.  
  
"I was wondering if the kid could share your spot.he's dying to see." The small blonde whispered the name to her. "To see Arisugawa Juri in her matches."  
  
She seemed to want to growl and pounce but only narrowed her eyes, which looked more like a glare. And answered, "I was leaving anyway." She leaped off the machine. "The spots yours."  
  
Utena didn't get a chance to thank her; she seemed to wander off through the crowds off fencers to a particular one in the corner. Well, that's what she observed from the top of the machine. Utena felt panic within in when the girl pointed her out to the fencer.  
  
"Hey Utena?" Tsuwabuki snapped her out of her train of thought.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Why did you quit the basket ball team?"  
  
The question sort of pained her. She really didn't want to quit. Back in grade 10 she had made the move to try and get a spot on the team. Utena had always had a natural skill for sports but she had noticed a few problems any time she would try out. First there were the fights. Utena got into a lot of fights, even though most of the time she felt like a mouse her anger seemed to flare so easily and the adrenaline destroyed fear inside her. Or it was just the fear that made her want to fight. Either way it was what ended her basketball career at the high school. Than there were also daydreams. Usually when playing she would have a certain feeling of déjà vu and it impaired her form playing at times. It would finish in her being sent to guidance to have a "talk" about her past.  
  
"I didn't like basketball much." She lied and watched.  
  
The fencer who was talking to the girl in the corner walked on to the mat. It must have been her. Arisugawa Juri. She held herself tall and strong. Tsuwabuki excitingly pointed her out a few times. She readied herself and though Utena couldn't see her face she knew her expression was on of pure concentration. Her form was sturdy but she looked completely comfortable in her style. A challenger had already placed himself in front of her. His form looked boisterous, so her response to his unruly ways was to disarm him at an alarming rate.  
  
"Next!" Came her piercing call. It reminded Utena of an eagle's song.  
  
iClick./i Came a noise from beside her.  
  
Tsuwabuki had timed it on a stopwatch and he looked on with an amazed expression. Utena stole a look at the stopwatch. It read basically read 2 .58 seconds.  
  
"Not bad." Utena murmured under her breath.  
  
The duels went on, she disarmed, defeated and embarrassed many fencers than left them to learn their lessons privately. Some she had corrected before the fight had even started. It was an amazing skill she had for handling that sword. The duels had finally come to an end after what seemed to be like a hundred fencers. People began to clear out of the gymnasium.  
  
"Lets get going." Utena said still in suspicion from earlier on with the blue haired girl. She really didn't feel like being that pantherous fencer's pray. She hopped off the machine and helped Tsuwabuki down. Tsuwabuki thanked Utena for taking him and left her to find his parents who promised to pick him up if Utena brought him.  
  
"Great." Utena sighed and walked to the back entrance of the gym to avoid the crowd of people leaving through the main doors. She adjusted her hat and stretched. She didn't enjoy being curled into the cross-legged position on that machine for what felt like over an hour.  
  
"It's going to be a cold night."  
  
Utena stalled on the spot. She didn't have to look to her left to know who it was. The eagle's song rang swiftly through her mind.  
  
"Arisugawa-san." Utena greeted respectively looking ahead.  
  
"We have some matters to discuss ab--."  
  
"We have nothing to discuss." Utena cut in abruptly, she tested this wild animal. She felt to put her in a cage and see how angry she could get her by poking her with a stick. "I don't know you. There is nothing to discuss."  
  
"I'd like to think I've grown more patient over the years, Tenjou.but I won't tolerate bullshit from you. Join me and Kozue for a drink."  
  
What had possessed her to agree to this, she didn't know her but she did know her. It was from before and she could feel it. The question now was.did she really want to know? She had woken from a lethal wound and with no memory.did she really want to remember what she was doing to be injured the was she had been? It didn't seem like she had a choice in the matter though.the burning in her heart had caused a moment of bravery where she followed the two strangers to their car. 


	4. Once Upon a Time

Chapter 3 - Once Upon A Time  
  
They had driven down into the city and went to a small diner. Day had turned to night so easily and Juri was partly right for it had become quite chilly. They took a booth in the back away from the ears of others and were shortly greeted by a waitress. Juri and Kozue asked for soda's-Kozue added in her order of a salad-Utena just asked for a glass of water. They're orders had arrived and Juri began.  
  
"We were informed that you wouldn't remember."  
  
Utena had gulped down the water in seconds; it was the only sign that lead Juri to believe Utena was slightly on edge. She didn't blame her though; she herself would have been devastated by the information that was about to be pressed upon her.  
  
"She told us to tell you a story." Juri continued, Kozue made a quick exit with a peck to Juri's cheek.  
  
The younger of the two women grinned which caused Juri blush out of character.  
  
"Shut up and listen."  
  
"I didn't say anything. What makes you think I'll believe you anyways? And who the hell is "she"?" Utena already had numerous questions.  
  
"There are things I can tell you. There are things I can't tell you. And there are things I am supposed to tell you. I'll tell you that which I can. I know you've always been curious so I think I get an idea of how hungry you are for answers."  
  
"No, Arisugawa-san.. You've no idea." Utena sat back. "Start talking."  
  
"Before we left, we being me and many other fellow toys to a certain world, she called a meeting between us. You had made us all free people, a revolution she said, and we owed you a favor." She shifted in her seat. "She gave each of us a piece of a story to tell you. So it didn't seem like it, Tenjou, but I've been searching for you for a very long time and I'm not the only one."  
  
"You've already lost me." Utena picked up a near by newspaper and began to flip through it.   
  
Juri glowered and shook her head. "It won't make sense for a little while. But you have to place some trust in me. If you don't, what other truths do you have to turn to? Besides there's more than enough proof in the tattoo, the orange one on your upper forearm, we've identical ones."  
  
She pulled the sleeve of her right arm up and showed off the orange rose tattoo, Utena's matched all right. They matched in color, in design, in size and they were drawn in the same spots. Juri regarded Utena's silence as slight wonder and began to tell her piece of a story.  
  
"In the beginning...there was a princess who lost her parents in a terrible accident. She mourned the death of her family for a long time. Than one day a noble prince came to her. He gave her a rose-crested ring, a kiss and asked her never to lose her nobility and strength. The princess was astonished by his courage, good nature and strength that she decided to become a prince herself. She wanted to be a prince who saved princesses in need of aid."  
  
"Is that all? That was remarkable, honestly." Utena uttered sarcastically. She stood and walked away from the booth. "But unbelieveable."  
  
What goddamn nonsense, thought Utena bitterly as she made her way out of the diner and began her walk home.  
  
"Tenjou!" Juri shouted the name like she shouted for her next opponent. It caused her to stop in her tracks.  
  
"Fine...that wasn't enough...I understand but I'll give you something that I hope will help you remember. I hope it will help you remember me at the least. Heh, now that I have the ability to hope."  
  
Utena turned and walked back to the fencer and held out her hand palm up impatiently. Juri pulled something out of her pocket. She leaned in and placed a smooth kiss to Utena's lips while placing the object in her hand.  
  
"This won't be the last time we meet." Juri turned and made her way to the car.  
  
Utena stood surprised. Wasn't the other girl, Kozue, her girlfriend? She watched the fencer's retreating form until the car pulled far enough away. She looked down at her now closed fist and wondered just what kind of treasure was put there. She opened the fist slowly to find a small golden trinket attached to a chain. It was a locket.  
  
The walk home was the longest she had ever had, she hadn't let go of the gold locket until she arrived at her front porch. She was utterly confused. A princess who wanted to be a prince. Nobility and strength. None of it made any sense and now this locket was supposed to. She sat near the light and gently opened the locket. Inside was a picture of a beautiful young woman who didn't face the camera.  
  
"Bad angle." Utena muttered while concentrating on who this person could be. It jogged something inside of her mind. An obsession. Not hers though. Was this the, "she" that Juri had spoken of earlier. They were all to remain mysteries still. The girl in the locket with the dark hair and the story of the girl-prince. Utena came to the conclusion that there were no connections between the story and the locket. One was a fairy tale and the other was a real object.  
  
It would have to wait, Utena felt as though a chuck of her energy had been drained from her. She put the locket around her neck and staggered into the house for a highly deserved nights rest. 


End file.
